Our Aunt Agatha Copyright: Continental Telegraph

Dear Aunt Agatha,

Should I start a new party? I was a Liberal at university, then I joined Labour in 1966. I joined the Social Democrats in 1982, but wasn’t elected as any of the above despite many attempts. I finally won as a Liberal Democrat, so you see I have no qualms about changing horses. It works well because I regard myself as a centrist who doesn’t feel strongly about anything. I’m ready to change my mind about anything, like I did on top rate tax, on quantitative easing, on flat tax and dozens of other things.

Now I’m thinking of joining with centrists from other parties to form a new party. The problem is that I don’t know if anyone would vote for it since the only thing that really unites us all is a disdain for the electorate and a determination to overturn their referendum vote. There’s a second problem in that all of those who would be involved have a reputation for disloyalty, but I think I could handle that because I’ve done a fair bit of it myself. It’s a tough call, Agatha. Should I go ahead?


(signed) “Switcher.”

Dear “Switcher,”

No. You need a new career because you obviously have no future in politics since your current party lies second in only 37 seats. I know you are getting on, but your onetime colleague Menzies Campbell took on a new career as a University Chancellor and a peer when he was only a year older than you are now, so take heart. I thought the ideal and undemanding job for you might be flower arrangement, in that everything you do there lasts only a few days before it wilts, and you have to start all over again with something new.

On reflection, though, I think you should start a shoe company, concentrating on sandals. Your name has such good brand association that flip-flops bearing your name would sell like hot cakes.

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Agatha Antigone is satirical. She has a weekly Wednesday column at the Continental Telegraph and was born in Central Europe in 1965. Her claims of descent from Romanian aristocracy cannot be authenticated because her papers were all destroyed in the Bosnian War. She holds a Diploma in Structural Studies from the Fritz Meyer Institute of the University of Bucharest, and is the author of several academic monographs. Her media career, launched in Pecob magazine, now features columns in over 30 publications. She found international fame with the celebrated letter-opener hand-stabbing incident with a US journalist live on CNN. Her best-selling book, “The Tobacco and Alcohol Diet,” was published in 17 languages, derided though it was by academic nutritionists. Her infamous public marriage to a Carpathian sheepdog was formally annulled by the Pope and Patriarch of the Eastern Orthodox Church, though it further confirmed her international celebrity status. She took out Maltese citizenship in 2015, and now resides on the island of Gozo with her partner of 23 years and three teenage children. Agatha tweets at: http://www.twitter.com/ask_agatha