United Filling Station 5320 Dollarway Rd, White Hall, AR 71602, USA Credit: Google

There are indeed master criminals out there and we never hear of them because they’re, you know, clever enough to be master criminals. My own bribery of government officials was done in a time and place when it was legal for example. There are also those who really should, given their intellectual abilities, stick with the minimum wage mop pushing:

Authorities say an Arkansas thief got his just desserts when he tried to pay for a meal using the waitress’ stolen credit card.

Yes, we knew the reports would, somewhere, include that pun.

Shamon West, 21, was arrested Tuesday after Shannon’s Restaurant waitress Flora Lunsford went to swipe the credit card and noticed her own name on it. She called police, who searched West and found Lunsford’s Social Security card and driver’s license, as well

The thing is, this guy really wasn’t clued in to how to do it at all:

Police said Shamon West, 21, stole the woman’s purse, along with her credit cards and driver’s license, on Sunday when he allegedly broke into her car at a gas station in Pine Bluff, Arkansas, about 44 miles south of Little Rock.

Stealing credit cards, one by one that is rather than millions through a computer, isn’t going to make anyone rich. Thus it fails the basic tenet of criminality, that the time which might be served be worth it. Still, it’s both possible and sensible to be a little more selective here. By, for example, stealing the cards and fencing them. To people who specialise in ransacking cards and thus maximising the income from them. Then use the cash received to go about making one’s own purchases. That is divorce the crime from identifiable purchases.

Using the card a couple of blocks from where you stole it? Not noting that the waitress was the one you stole it from? Yes, despite having her driver’s licence? And committing that crime in order to get a $15 meal?

Yes, that’s priceless.