Boris Writes His Introductory Letters

CJ Nerd writes:

So… one of the more important things he will need to do tomorrow is dictate a letter to the captains of our Trident submarines. So… what do people think he will write?

And here’s CJN’s start:

“Dear Dudes. Or Dudesses? Really? is that a thing? I mean, I know we need to have equality, but is that really a thing now? Crikey! I just hope er, er, er, let’s say I just hope that, er, any ladies in that position, have, er, so to speak, er, reached the age where they no longer, er, I mean, er, when they’re of, er, shall we say, er, a stable temperament. Because the thought of a lady who was, um, un, um, um… uncomfortable, being in that position, with all those explody thingies at her command, well, um, er, um, it just doesn’t bear thinking about. Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, what to do…. ”

A general invitation is made for similar introductory letters as PM. The one to Ullulating Von Der Liar is easy enough (Sayonara!) but any others? Asking Lagarde for an overdraft to finance his divorce?

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