Spaghetti Bolognese Doesn’t Actually Exist – A Huge Surprise To All Non-Italians

The Mayor of Bologna is getting ever more upset and het up about the iniquity of foreigners. For we all think there’s something called Spaghetti Bolognese and we will insist upon eating it. Even, going to Bologna to have a plate of the real thing only to find out that no one there in that food aware city would ever eat such an abomination unto Nuggan.

The difficulty being that sure, the Good People of Bologna do indeed make a rich meaty and tomatoey sauce to go on pasta. But they’re also au fait enough with good food to know that a rich sauce must go on a stronger pasta – tagliatelle say. And it’s not called Bolognese either, perhaps instead Ragu.

Grump grump and moan moan:

The mayor of Bologna is on a passionate crusade against spaghetti bolognese, condemning it as ‘fake news’. Despite it being famous the world over, Virginio Merola wants his northern Italian city to wash its hands of the dish. He said it ‘doesn’t exist’ and went as far as to call the pasta dish ‘fake news’.

The city does have some gastronomic feats to its name:

He told Italian broadcaster, RAI: ‘Spaghetti bolognese doesn’t actually exist, yet it’s famous the world over. ‘What we’d prefer the world to know is that Bologna invented tagliatelle, tortellini and lasagne.’

It’s not that the sauce is particularly wrong, nor the idea of having it on pasta. It’s the marriage of the wrong sauce with the wrong pasta. It’s as an Englishman looking on in wonder as someone puts mint sauce not horseradish with the beef. Just, you know, wrong:

To give an idea of the faux pas here, it’s like horseradish with roast lamb, yorkshire puddings with leg of pork, mint sauce on chicken. Just, you know, wrong, an abomination unto Nuggan. It’s like crimping your pasty along the top. And which fool, other than Pukka Pies, would ever do that?

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Q46
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Q46

‘It’s not that the sauce is particularly wrong, nor the idea of having it on pasta. It’s the marriage of the wrong sauce with the wrong pasta.’

Pasta shapes are regional. Spaghetti is not Bolognese, it is in fact Roman and traditionally therefore Southern Italian. It is not that Bolognese is the ‘wrong’ sauce for spaghetti, it is that the Bolognesi did not have spaghetti, they had other pasta shapes.

nae a belger
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nae a belger

Any nation that sells flour and water to any reasonable person should shut up and be thankful that they have found anyone daft enough to eat that fancy muck not lecture them on how to eat glue.
Essentially it’s all meat in a tomato sauce with some herbs and glue. The trick they have is they give it all fancy names whereas we call our food normal names.
Pasta Puttanesca – just pasta with anchovies,tomatoes and capers.
Pasta n’casciata – macaroni,tomatoes and aubergine.

Jonathan Harston
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Jonathan Harston

Pizza: cheese on toast.

Dodgy Geezer
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Dodgy Geezer

Proper British Spaghetti Bolognese tastes a lot better than that Italian muck. They are just annoyed that we got it right. Much like we did with Chicken Tikka Masala…

Quentin Vole
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Quentin Vole

Next they’ll be telling us that Madras curry doesn’t really come from Madras (or whatever we’re supposed to be calling it this week).