The enemy is seemingly a shapeshifter.

The Left perceive it as a neoliberal free-market capitalist pig, swilling champagne from the hollowed-out skulls of the poor.

The Right perceive it as a free-spending, high-taxing Statist monstrosity, that misses no opportunity to import a new welfare-dependent electorate, form a client state that will always vote Left, and tax the middle class into oblivion.

So which is it?

That it is free-spending and high-taxing is undeniable – we have the highest tax yield and the biggest national debt ever seen. If interest rates were normalised back to 5% the British government would be paying £75bn a year just to service its debt, which is extraordinary – we could almost have another NHS for that.

And there is no denying that immigration, welfare-dependency and public sector jobs have all increased enormously.

So much for what the Right say, but what about the Left?

Bankers have been allowed to run riot, gambling away the money they create, and then coming back to demand the taxpayer provide more – there certainly seems to be a case there.

But wait.

Bailing out bankers, running low central bank rates and printing money are not free market policies – they are state interventions.

If anything, what the Left is blaming on free-market capitalism is evidence of an ABSENCE of free-market capitalism. The bankers should have been allowed to go bust.

So there you have it – the reason the enemy appears to be such a contradiction is because one witness is mistaken about what they see.

The Blue Team say the enemy is too red, and the Red Team says the enemy is too blue.

It was found that the Red team were wearing blue-tinted glasses.