Categories: Culture

Nein, Nein, Nein!

BBC bosses have pronounced themselves well pleased with the rabble that have been roused in the wake of their planned Archive on 4 program today.

Enoch Powell’s “Rivers of Blood” speech will be voiced by Emperor Palpatine, because Darth Vader turned it down.

The response has been so gratifying in fact that the BBC have decided to commission an entire series, whose working title is apparently “People We Don’t Agree With Are Evil”

It is rumoured that the second episode will feature one of Nigel Farage’s epic rants in the EU chamber, probably voiced by the Devil himself.

Of course Satan will not make an appearance – it is hoped that the BBC can find a demonically-possessed young girl to actually do the voiceover work.

Talks with the Vatican are ongoing in the search for just the right person to play the role, but the BBC is confident that they can find someone that can channel the famous blend of foaming hatred, insane brutality and malicious glee required to do the role justice.

Some of the BBC’s best and brightest liberal arts graduates with impeccable left-wing sensibilities are already working on future episodes – we understand that Margaret Thatcher is next in line, with her famous 1990 “No, No, No” speech about the EU to be voiced by Hitler, whose voice is being cobbled together from various clips available in the BBC archives.

It is hoped that the process of cutting it together from individual words will lend the performance a deeply artificial meter to go with the hysterical Germanic ranting so familiar to us all.

The BBC are very excited by their new project.

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Alex Noble

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Alex Noble
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