Our source in Brussels has confirmed that the EU is now considering forcing the UK to adopt metrification in all sporting events.
First up is the NFL, increasingly popular in the UK. The International series of regular season games, played 3 times this year in London, sold out within minutes.
The EU is said to be considering banning it on the grounds that it doesn’t fit the EU’s regulatory standards on measurements and that everyone should do what they say, regardless.
Our source said –
[perfectpullquote align=”full” bordertop=”false” cite=”EU Commission” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]“look American Football is played using yards, feet and inches – this is not acceptable to the EU – who wants to hear the commentator say ‘1st down and 10 yards from the 25 yard line?’ it’s incomprehensible – we propose that any game played or broadcast in the EU displays prominent metric measurements”[/perfectpullquote] [perfectpullquote align=”full” bordertop=”false” cite=”EU Commission” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]“1st and 9.144 metres from the 22.86 metre line is obviously more acceptable”[/perfectpullquote]Another source said:
[perfectpullquote align=”full” bordertop=”false” cite=”EU Commission” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]“Look Napoleon knew what he was doing, why call yourself a 5 foot something shortarse – when if you change the measurements to 160cm it sounds far grander”[/perfectpullquote]Included in the EU proposed diktat is Horse Racing.
The first classic races of the season, run at Newmarket will no longer be permitted to be called the 1000 and 2000 Guineas. Rather they will be called the 1200 euros and 2400 respectively.
Our source said:
[perfectpullquote align=”full” bordertop=”false” cite=”EU Commission” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]“these races are run over the Rowley Mile, this just doesn’t create a level playing field – how do you expect a French horse to understand what a mile is? The horses must run in kilometres”[/perfectpullquote]The last quote from our source was:
[perfectpullquote align=”full” bordertop=”false” cite=”EU Commission” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]“we were going to include metrification of cricket in our new sporting rules, but none of us understands it, so we’ll just ban it instead”[/perfectpullquote]Adam is a Satirical EU correspondent.
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With the UK (allegedly) leaving the EU, won’t have to worry about this furlong.
The "allegedly" is important. We aren't leaving and, satire or not, nothing would surprise me anymore.
Loved it. Lucky the pint wasn't mentioned. You mess with a Briton's beer at you peril. The thing is, it is the daft ideas like this they they do come up with. However, banning cricket is an excellent idea.
Ban cricket? Suggest you don't visit Oz with an attitude like that, else you may get burnt at the stumps!
My Orstrylyen cousin defined Wollongong as sounds like an empty forty-four gallon drum rolling down a rocky hillside.
I buy my milk in 2.272 litre plastic bottles.
..Adam is a Satirical EU correspondent. ...
No, he's not. He's just a little bit ahead of his time....
Exactly. How does his writing differ from that of the big media writers or presenters.
Will they insist that an NFL team play with ten players on the field rather than eleven? And will European baseball have to go ten innings rather than nine?