Latest Brexit News: EU Child Birth Policy

Brexit Negotiations Latest News

The European Union has decreed an ongoing quota on child birth.

EU directive article 45905.89b will be called the SWQ – Shag per Week Quota. Some have termed it the common shagging policy.

Each of the member states will be given a number of SWQs according to the EU’s desired policy.

Germans will be too busy working so each German will be provided with with 0.1 SWQ.

The French have demanded that they have more than their equal share and are said to be considering a national strike unless they get a full 1 SWQ per citizen.

The newly appointed MEP responsible for the Shagging Department told us: “

The Greeks are bust and they shag anything that moves anyway, so we’ll give them a share of the German SWQs”


“this directive will move us ever closer to union and will harmonise the member states so that there’s a level playing field for shagging”

From an SNP source:

“the people of Scotland voted overwhelmingly to stay as part of the EU, it’s only by remaining as part of the EU that the people of Scotland will be able to shag”

Our Green Party source told us:

“we fully support the European Union on this. The science is clear. Shagging is contributing to climate change. We will accept 0.0001 SWQs and campaign that the SWQ is reduced to zero by 2030. I’ll get my last one in before my return flight to Australia”

It’s believed that if you’re part of the politburo in Brussels then you will have access to more SWQs.
Someone from the president’s members club in Brussels, when asked for a quote, said:

“f**k off mate I’m ordering some port here, I’ve got a couple of SWQs in the bag and I’m hoping to use them with that tasty Luxembourger over there – I’ll show her a hard Brexit”

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May’s deal includes an Irish Shagstop – so they get none.