The European Union: Like A Boat Full Of Retards

One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest is a great film about the vicious implacability of the State – if you haven’t seen it then you really must.

In equal measure tragic, infuriating and hilarious, Jack Nicholson and his cast of misfits get laid, kill themselves and watch imaginary baseball games. Not in that order.

That’s not much like the European Union so far.

But in one epic regard, One Flew… is EXACTLY like the European Union.

The boat trip.

For those yet to see the film, Randall P. McMurphy (Nicholson) hijacks a bus full of mental hospital inmates and takes them on a dangerously inept boat trip, breaking every safeguarding rule of 1975, let alone the modern day.

The mentally-subnormal inmates goggle through the window as McMurphy entertains a ladyfriend. They play with fish-hooks and fondle dead fish. They drive the boat in circles, unreliably wear lifejackets, and fail to obey even the most rudimentary rules of basic seamanship.

It’s very very funny indeed.

But the way in which it is MOST like the European Union is in the basic premise of the trip.

It’s a man trying to get a bunch of Verhoftsadts gap-toothed bumpkins to co-operate in a series of challenging tasks, in an unfamiliar environment.

All of whom have wildly differing interests and goals.

Two of them want to drive the boat and end up fighting about it. One wants to catch fish, and one wants to dissect fish. One is torn between caring about fish and screwing a hooker.

But enough about the French.

Hahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahaa

*ahem*

Some hate being on the boat, and some love it.

All are retarded.

In these regards, the European Union is exactly like the boat trip, and the results are similarly chaotic.

It’s great fun to watch.

But no-one in his right mind would want to actually BE on the boat, wrangling all those retards.

And you know what?

We’re not.