да

“Get me Count Dankula’s attorney on the line, stat.”

“Oh bugger – I though you said a mural about JUICE”

Yes, Vladimir. Of course, Vladimir. Right away, Vladimir.

If I just hold a phone in my hand nobody will realise I’m saluting the memory of the Fuhrer

Original thinking, Spud, but somehow I just don’t think a new Labour Left logo made of four “L”s joined together is going to get traction.

Speak to the hand because the pockets (of anti-semitism) ain’t listening.

Is that the Illuminati? I’d like to report a conspiracy.

I’m not really sure that a new party slogan of “For the many, not the Jew” is very helpful at this stage.

Sure Vlad. The pogrom is still on. Just need 4 more years ok?

To quote the great Frankie Howard

‘Infamy, infamy, they’ve all got it in for me’

…something about lining up the camera with the hole through his head…

I’m never any good at these sorts of things.

I see an ignorant, tedious, thick, sixth-form-socialist, loony lefty holding a mobile phone to his ear.

“… and miles to go before I sleep.”

“What? This phone is powered by Israeli computer chips? Noooo!”

“Hello, it’s 1971 calling.”

“Just push away from the table Dianne, just push away. You can do it…”

“I can hear the sea!”

Siri? this is red squirrel do not call me on this number again.

“Diane, love your new ring-tone”

So watson, I’ve just seen some pictures on that man who funds you, Moseley. I am a bit worried about what this might do to our support from women voters, other than that seems fine.

I’ve been assured by the maker of the phone that it carries insufficient charge to give me a shock even if the current can be carried along my piss-sodden jacket

“My new MI5 agent? Yes, I’ve just taken it. He thinks he’s photographing me. Sure, Sergei, it’ll be in tomorrow’s bag.”