Dear Aunt Agatha,
Should I start a new party? I was a Liberal at university, then I joined Labour in 1966. I joined the Social Democrats in 1982, but wasn’t elected as any of the above despite many attempts. I finally won as a Liberal Democrat, so you see I have no qualms about changing horses. It works well because I regard myself as a centrist who doesn’t feel strongly about anything. I’m ready to change my mind about anything, like I did on top rate tax, on quantitative easing, on flat tax and dozens of other things.
Now I’m thinking of joining with centrists from other parties to form a new party. The problem is that I don’t know if anyone would vote for it since the only thing that really unites us all is a disdain for the electorate and a determination to overturn their referendum vote. There’s a second problem in that all of those who would be involved have a reputation for disloyalty, but I think I could handle that because I’ve done a fair bit of it myself. It’s a tough call, Agatha. Should I go ahead?
==========
(signed) “Switcher.”
Dear “Switcher,”
No. You need a new career because you obviously have no future in politics since your current party lies second in only 37 seats. I know you are getting on, but your onetime colleague Menzies Campbell took on a new career as a University Chancellor and a peer when he was only a year older than you are now, so take heart. I thought the ideal and undemanding job for you might be flower arrangement, in that everything you do there lasts only a few days before it wilts, and you have to start all over again with something new.
On reflection, though, I think you should start a shoe company, concentrating on sandals. Your name has such good brand association that flip-flops bearing your name would sell like hot cakes.
