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Denis MacShane’s Market Research Is As Good As His Accounting Apparently

Denis MacShane tells us all that Britain crashing out of the EU without a deal – a No Deal Brexit- could and would lead to all of us having to wipe our fundaments with used newspaper. Thus showing that Denis’ market research skills are about as good as his accounting ones.

Yes, that’s this Denis MacShane:

In November 2012, he was suspended from the Labour Party after the House of Commons Standards and Privileges Committee found that he had submitted 19 false invoices “plainly intended to deceive” the parliamentary expenses authority. The same day he announced his intention to resign as MP for Rotherham.[2][3][4] Subsequently, in October 2013, he was removed from the Privy Council.[5]

In November 2013 he pleaded guilty to false accounting at the Old Bailey, by submitting false receipts for £12,900.[6] On 23 December, Mr Justice Sweeney sentenced MacShane to six months in prison.[7] He served his sentence in HM Prison Belmarsh and HM Prison Brixton, and subsequently by wearing an electronic tag.[8] In 2014 MacShane was forcibly ejected from the premises of the European Parliament after loitering in the building according to MEPs.

I have personal experience of the man and I wouldn’t have come back with that cell key myself.

Still, MacShane tells us that:

Brexit Panic as Brits Run Out of Toilet Paper


There is palpable sense of panic slowly developing in London. Each Brit consumes 110 toilet rolls a year—two and half time the European average. The United Kingdom is Europe’s biggest importer of loo paper and it is said that only one day’s supply of toilet paper exists in stock. If Britain leaves the EU Customs Union and Single Market in five months’ time and the trucks transporting toilet paper are held up at Calais or Dover, British bottoms will have to be wiped with torn-up newspapers as in bygone days.

Well, yes, except that’s not quite how those two markets do work.

Toilet paper tends to be made close to the market where it is consumed. You ship the chemical pulp to the tissue mill, which is in the market concerned, where it is mixed with mechanical pulp and waste paper. Toilet paper being a bulky and low value item that’s just the way that you do it. Most nations are self-sufficient in the tissue itself, however they might import the pulp.

Newsprint works the other way around. That tends to be made close to the forests it’s pulped from. The machinery needed to turn trees into flawless miles long rolls is rather more expensive than that required for something we perforate anyway. The rolls of the paper are more valuable themselves. So, we have much more concentrated production facilities and longer delivery routes for newsprint than we do loo roll.

That is, if Britain were cut off from continental supplies of paper by Brexit we’re more likely to run out of newspapers than we are bog roll.

But then as I say I’ve had dealings with MacShane before.

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5 years ago

Bum rap: a false charge, typically one leading to imprisonment.

5 years ago

110 rolls a year? That’s one roll every three days. What TF is he doing with them, eating them? That’s THIRTY sheets per shit!

5 years ago
Reply to  jgh

I use them for wiping up small spills as they are cheaper than kitchen roll, cleaning out the kitchen caddy the eco-freaks insist we use after I’ve emptied because a quick rinse never gets it clean, cleaning the plugholes, as well as the intended use and our household still doesn’t get through one a week. 110 a year is nonsense (I don’t believe that the European average is 44 per head per year). Also most households have a week or a month’s supply in stock independent of anything on Tesco’s shelves

5 years ago

He uses a lot of bog roll because every time he opens his mouth, shit comes out.

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