A saga of everyday life in the Big L and a wry look at contemporary culture
By Tony Carden
Episode Thirty Three
‘We have a deal.’ Mary plucked a petal from the flower. ‘We don’t have a deal.’ She plucked another one. ‘We have a deal.’
There was a thumping and Des blundered into her office.
‘What are you doing here? I gave strict instructions not to be disturbed.’
‘Wafsh ish Ijh amsh?’
‘It’s disgusting. You’re slurring your words.’
‘Sosjh?’ He staggered over to the settee and collapsed. He righted himself and stared at her. ‘Welsh?’
‘Whatcha doing?’ He pointed at the pile of petals on the floor.
‘Oh that.’ With her foot, she shuffled the petals under her desk. ‘Nothing.’
‘The lasht time you did sthat was on our …’ Des put his hand to his head, ‘… ooh, it ‘urts it does.’ He squinted at her. ‘Zats it! Our honeshmoon!’
‘I think you should go off to bed.’
‘Youz comin?’ He looked hopeful.
‘I think you should sleep in the visitor’s room tonight.’
‘Pish, don’t I alwash…’ He lay back on the sofa. In a moment, he began to snore.
She looked at him and shook her head, then pressed a buzzer on her desk.
A moment later there was a knock at the door.
A man entered and looked around. He spotted Des lying on the sofa.
‘You wanna me to see ‘im to bed.’
‘If you don’t mind. He was his old school reunion and I think they celebrated in style.’
‘ ‘e’ll ‘ave a beaut of a ben dover tamorrah.’
‘I’m sure he will.’
The man pulled Des upright and he partly came to. ‘Come-ze mate.’ With some difficulty, he led him out the door. It remained partly open.
There was a knock. Adrian popped his head around the door. ‘PM, you available?’
‘Who wants to see me?’
‘Ralston is here and hoped to have a word with you.’
‘I suppose so. Send him in.’
Adrian’s head disappeared. There was a conversation outside, but Mary couldn’t hear what was being said.
A knock. Ralston stepped in.
‘Good of you PM to see me. I was just having a meeting with Carberry.’ He stopped and sniffed.
‘Is there something wrong?’
‘There’s a funny smell in here.’
‘Well, to be honest, it reminds me of a downmarket pub.’
‘I’ll tell the manager. Perhaps we’ve got vermin. We’ll get Larry to sniff around a bit.’
‘Will he cooperate? Cat’s aren’t renowned for taking orders. A bit like herding the PP, isn’t that so PM?’
‘I think cats are easier.’ Mary indicated a chair. ‘Make yourself comfortable at least. You look awkward standing there.’
‘Of course, PM, of course.’ Ralston sat where indicated.
‘What did you want to see me about?’
‘Well, PM, I have a brilliant idea about how to rescue the Plan.’
‘I see. I trust it isn’t having a second referendum.’
‘Oh, lord no! You’ve made it perfectly clear we’re not re-opening that can of worms. You and I agree that wouldn’t be good at all.’
‘But a head of steam is building up. Just look at The Independent! Banging on about the will of the people—and all that.’
‘PM, listen, I’ve got this suggestion. What if we ask the EU for the Swiss model?’
‘The Swiss model? What follow the land of chocolate boxes and cuckoo clocks?’
‘Why yes. They have a land border with the EU and they rub along together swimmingly, if you get my drift.’
‘Didn’t they negotiate every single point of access with the EU separately and that the Commission is now trying to put in place a comprehensive agreement instead of the rag-tag of sector, industry and I don’t know what treaties.’
‘But don’t you see, PM, that’s the beauty of it. We can work with the Swiss on making it all happen. They win. We win.’
‘Jeremy, we have till the end of March to get this sorted. No, not even that for some things.’ She gesticulated at a huge pile of documents in her in-tray. ‘That stack there are all the individual agreements that have to be worked out.’
‘I’m sure most of them are simply a case of agreeing to agree—or agreeing to disagree.’
‘You’re an optimist, aren’t you even after your sessions with Bernard?’
‘I talked to him about how time is pressing last weekend. He would like to wrap it all up pronto.’
Mary gave him a quizzical stare.
‘Oh, I know what the press said. Only an hour and we didn’t get his OK for the Plan. But that doesn’t mean we haven’t got the greenlight for most things. I would say we’re ninety-five percent there.’
‘But it’s the five percent that has the potential to blow up everything.’
‘That’s where the Swiss model is so brilliant. We can salami slice the agreement and get those bits Bernard and the Commission warm to all agreed now. We can then settle the rest in good time.’
‘And what still needs to be sorted? I seem to recall,’ she reached into her huge pile and pulled out a large dossier, ‘that customs arrangements are a contentious issue.’ She pulled out another folder. ‘And travel.’ Then two more. ‘There’s financial regulation.’ She slammed one of the folders down on her desk. ‘And the Rights of EU citizens.’ She started pulling out other folders. ‘There’s more…’
‘But the rest we can agree on.’
‘’Sure. The regulation of pork sales and tobacco labelling.’ She gave him a hard stare. ‘We’ve agreed the easy stuff. Here we are talking red lines.’
‘Bernard wants to be reasonable.’
‘Reasonable?’ She rolled up the document she held in her hand like a truncheon and pointed it at him. ‘The only reasonable he has in mind is our abject surrender to all his demands.’
Mary got to her feet and stood brandishing the roll as if it were a sword. ‘We will not surrender.’
After a moment she sat down again.
‘I guess your idea is worth a try.’
‘I’ll get on to it right away, PM.’
* * *
Just a Reminder
You did know that there is a compendium of the first twenty-five episodes available on the Amazon Kindle store for your delight?
Click here to view
* * *
Ahmed swung his Prius in a full circle and pulled up beside the curb. A young man, with a bag in hand, stepped over.
Ahmed wound down the window. ‘Mr Evans?’
‘Yeah, that’s me. Waterloo Station, yes?’
‘Yep. That’s it.’
‘How quickly can you get me there?’
‘Usual. Twenty. Twenty-five minutes or so. Depends on traffic.’
‘Well, as quick as you can. The train leaves at 18:36.’
‘Do me best.’
Ahmed signalled and pulled out.
They headed down Shaftesbury Avenue. About half-way down, they got stuck in traffic. He could see the lights turn green, then amber, then red. The traffic didn’t move. The lights went green again. He honked. But the lines were at a standstill.
Ahmed turned to his passenger. ‘Sorry mate, I’ll see if I can go ‘round.’
‘Yes, sure. Time’s running out.’
Ahmed indicated to go right into a side street. But there was a continuous stream of vehicles coming the opposite way. Eventually, he managed to get into the street by edging out and blocking the way to a bus. The irritated driver waved Ahmed through.
But about two hundred metres in, the road was clogged. A delivery van was preventing cars going both ways.
Ahmed honked, wound down and leaned out the window. He gesticulated at the delivery man. ‘Getcha out the way.’
The man waved a hand in the air. ‘Hey, hang on to your cobbles, mate. Won’t be a minute. One more trolley to go.’
Ahmed honked again.
‘We’re not going to make it, are we?’
Ahmed swivelled round to speak to his passenger. ‘If we can just get past this, I should be able to get you there on time.’
‘I should have gone by tube.’
‘It isn’t normally like this.’
‘Except when you’re in a hurry.’
‘You’d think the congestion charge wouldda helped, yeah?’
Ahmed honked again.
The delivery driver waved at him, closed the doors to his truck and went around to the cab. The flashing lights stopped. The truck edged slowly forward. Ahmed followed close behind. Just before a junction, the truck indicated left. Before it could turn and clear the intersection, it stopped.
Ahmed honked furiously.
The truck’s reversing lights came on. It started to edge back.
Ahmed looked in his rear-view mirror. ‘Shit.’ He put his hand on the horn and kept it there.
The truck stopped. The driver came around and surveyed the situation. He came over to Ahmed and shook his head. ‘I ain’t going to be able to go down, mate. I need to back up.’
‘You’re gonna have to get those behind to shift back.’
‘Yeah.’ The driver headed down the street towards the cars that had stopped behind the Prius.
‘This is hopeless.’ His passenger got out of the car.
‘I give up.’ He pulled the bag out and faced Ahmed. ‘That’s it. Ride’s off.’ He reached into his pocket and pulled out his mobile, tapped at it and then switched it off.
There was a ping on Ahmed’s phone. ‘Thanks mate.’ He watched his passenger walk away back the way they had just come. He glanced at his phone. It said 18:29.
Ahmed noticed the car behind him had backed up. He reversed slowly back to give the truck room to move.
A little later, the driver returned and got back in. The reversing lights came on. With the alert pinging, the truck slowly backed into the street. It stopped. With a jolt, it started forward.
With no bids coming through, Ahmed followed the truck seeking a place to stop and wait. There were no spaces available.
The mobile pinged. Ahmed pulled in against the curb on a double yellow line. He quickly glanced at the message. Too far away, so he didn’t put in a bid. He indicated to pull out just as a large SUV thundered down the street, nearly colliding with him. The vehicle passed and headed for the end of the street. Ahmed pulled out to follow.
Instead of stopping at the give way sign, the SUV accelerated and, to Ahmed’s astonishment, seemed to leap into the air and crash down on a car parked opposite.
Ahmed pulled up at the junction. Remembering to put on his hazard lights, he got out and went over to the SUV. He stood on a tire of the crushed car to get high enough to see in. The driver seemed to be sitting there in a daze. Ahmed s slapped loudly on the window. ‘Hey, mate, you OK?’
This seemed to bring the man out of his stupor. He gazed around. His eyes focused on Ahmed. He wound down the window. ‘Yeah. Just a bit shaken. What happened?’
‘You seemed to jump up when you reached the junction.’
‘How’s that possible?’
Ahmed stepped down and stood back.
The man opened the door and unfastened his seat belt. He looked at the fact the car was up in the air. He clambered down over the roof and bonnet of the car beneath.
‘Did you press the accelerator instead of the brake?’
‘If I’d done that, I’d have smashed into the car, not flown up into the air.’
‘Yeah, I guess so.’
Ahmed’s phone pinged. A ride. He quickly tapped in a reply. There was a moment’s pause. His mobile pinged again. He read what had popped up. ‘Gotta go. Business.’
‘Yeah, well, you take care.’
Ahmed got in, started the engine and carefully drove around the crash towards his next hire.
* * *
INDY REF2 AND THE LOST CRUSADE
The story so far…
Several years after his encounter in Trafalgar Square with Panama hat, Indy finally manages to best the radical European group and steal their banner, which he delivers to his mentor Brody. Escaping from his students in his political theory class, Indy is picked up by henchmen employed by William Donovan. At this meeting, Indy hears about the missing elements of Orwell’s key political treatise and the fact Donovan has information as to their whereabouts. Agreeing to go and search for these, Indy is told that the manuscript might be in Venice, Italy.
Having found a clue to Orwell’s treatise on political manipulation in the catacombs of Venice’s library and met Elsa, they are attacked and barely escape with their lives when the catacombs are engulfed in a firestorm.
EXT. VENICE PIAZZA – OUTDOOR CAFE – DAY
The perfect picture postcard — St. Mark’s Square and the
Grand Canal beyond. Cafe customers are startled to see Indy
and Elsa climb out of the sewer, wet and smelly. Indy looks
around at the postcard-perfect setting and smiles.
Indy’s delight, however, is short-lived since Kazim and TWO
OTHER FOREIGN AGENTS are running towards them with drawn guns.
He grabs Elsa by the hand and the two of them run down the
dock and LEAP INTO A MOTORBOAT.
INT. THE MOTORBOAT – DAY
Indy fires up the engine and pulls away from the dock… but
not before a FOREIGN AGENT JUMPS in with him.
Elsa grabs the wheel and begins to steer the boat while Indy
and the Agent trade punches.
EXT. THE HARBOR – DAY
Indy’s Speedboat BOUNCES across the choppy waters heading in
the direction of the DOCKED CRUISE LINER.
Kazim and his men rush to TWO MORE SPEEDBOATS tied to the dock.
They chase after Indy.
Indy grapples with the Foreign Agent. As Indy grips his arms,
we SEE a GUN in the Agent’s hand. It FIRES.
As Indy fights with the Agent, he becomes aware of the
Speedboats behind him and two enormous Freighters ahead of
him, joined together by two giant ropes.
Indy, having gained the advantage, leans on top of the Agent.
Are you crazy?! You don’t go between
Elsa can barely hear Indy over the noise of the motor.
Go between them? Are you crazy?!
Indy finally delivers the punch that sends the Agent
flying overboard. Turning, Indy sees that Elsa has committed
the speedboat to a course BETWEEN the two Freighters, now
being pushed even closer together by a Tugboat.
I said go around!
You said go between them!
I said don’t go between them!
It’s purely academic at this point since the hulls of the
two Freighters loom up on either side of them like cavern
EXT. FULL SHOT – THE HARBOR – DAY
One Enemy Speedboat chases Indy between the two Freighters.
But the Speedboat containing Kazim veers off and goes around.
EXT. BETWEEN THE TWO FREIGHTERS – DAY
It’s a race for daylight as the two Freighters drift ever
closer to one another.
Indy’s Speedboat just manages to squeeze through the gap.
But the Enemy Speedboat EXPLODES as it is crushed between
the two Freighters, FLYING INTO THE AIR and SPLASHING back
down into the water.
INDY AND ELSA
Spin their boat around in a sharp half-circle to see KAZIM’S
SPEEDBOAT appear racing toward them. He stands in the moving
boat, FIRING A MACHINE GUN at Indy and Elsa.
Matches Indy’s move for move.
FULL SHOT – THE HARBOR
The two boats race across the water nearly side-by-side. A
CHATTERING MACHINE GUN from Kazim’s boat SPLINTERS the wood
of Indy’s boat, until finally the rear of the boat CATCHES
The machine gun runs out of ammunition. Kazim puts it down
and takes control of the wheel from one of the Foreign Agents
in the boat with him.
As Indy’s boat drifts toward the GIANT, TURNING PROPELLERS
at the STERN of ANOTHER STEAMER, Kazim’s boat draws up
alongside and hits them. Indy steps into Kazim’s boat. He
knocks one of the Foreign Agents to the deck, then turns his
attention to Kazim. The two men trade punches as the boat
spins helplessly in the churning water.
Indy kicks Kazim in the face, knocking him into the water,
then pulls him back into the boat, now being SUCKED THROUGH
THE CHURNING WATER toward the Steamer’s giant propeller
Why are you trying to kill us?
Because you’re looking for Orwell’s formula.
My father was looking for Orwell’s
Manuscript too. Did you kill him too?
Where is he? Talk — or you’re dead.
Damn it, tell me! Tell me!
If you don’t let go, Professor Ref2,
we’ll both die.
Then we’ll die.
My soul is prepared. How’s yours?
By now half the boat has been chopped up into matchwood and
the blades are getting closer.
This is your last chance.
No, Professor Ref2. It’s yours!
The wind of the blades is on their necks. Indy grabs Kazim
just in time and jumps… into the motorboat, driven by Elsa,
which gets alongside in the nick of time.
All right! Where’s my father
If you let me go, I will tell you
where he is.
Who are you?
My name is Kazim.
And why were you trying to kill me?
The secret of Orwell’s Manuscript has been
safe for seventy years. And for
all that time the Brotherhood of Europe
has been prepared to
do anything to keep it hidden.
Kazim pulls back his shirt to reveal a birthmark… or is it
a tattoo? Whatever it is, it’s a circle of gold stars; in the middle
is written “Pax Europa”.
Let me get off at this jetty.
The boat is close to the edge of the canal. Indy gives Elsa
a nod, telling her to bring the boat in. Kazim steps ashore.
Ask yourself, why do you seek Orwell’s
Manuscript? Is it for Donavan’s benefit,
or for yours?
I didn’t come for Orwell’s Manuscript.
I came to find my father.
In that case, peace be with you in
your quest. Your father is being
held in the Castle of Brunwald on
the Austrian-German border.
Kazim walks away.
INT. VENICE APARTMENT – DAY
CLOSE ON THE WATER-SOAKED PAPER: The manuscript
retrieved from the catacombs.
Brody is giving it careful study while he dabs the lump on
the back of his head with an ice pack.
How’s the head?
It’s better, now I’ve seen this.
There’s a name written here.
Can’t quite make it out.
“Cass Ander?” Hmmm…
Indy, wearing a bathrobe, leans over to study the writing.
Orwell always thought his writings were dynamite.
Perhaps he entrusted them to someone called Ander?
Brody lowers the ice pack from his head and looks at Indy.
Well, it could be, no?
Orwell always regretted putting his political insights to paper
that is why he wrote “Animal Farm”.
He could disguise the Truth of the political process as a fable.
Think of what he wrote:
“All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.”
But why exactly?
Your father would know. Your father
did know. Look. He drew a diagram.
Brody picks up the Manuscript.
He must have pieced it together from
clues scattered through the whole
of Orwell’s political writings. A diagram
with no explanation.
INSERT: A PENCIL-DRAWN DIAGRAM
It covers two pages of the Diary. Brody’s finger moves across
Now, he knew there are many different forms of
political organisation. Here. He knew they
could morph from one form to the other
for democracy to degenerate into tyranny;
for despotism to be overthrown by revolution;
for civil war; for communism and fascism. He knew everything except
where to begin, the key starting process.
Cass Ander. Now we know.
Yes. Now we know.
Marcus, get hold of Sallah. Tell him
to meet you in Dunoon.
Indy closes the Manuscript and puts it into the pocket of
What about you?
I’m going after Dad.
INT. INDY’S BEDROOM – DAY
Indy opens the door. His bedroom has been ransacked… the
mattress on the floor, the drawers turned out.
INT. HALLWAY – DAY
Indy approaches another door (Elsa’s bedroom) and knocks.
He goes in.
INT. ELSA’S BEDROOM – DAY
…and finds that Elsa’s bedroom is in a similar ransacked
state to his own. The room is empty.
He is worried for her, knocks and calls out:
He steps into the room and knocks upon the bathroom door.
He opens the bathroom door, peering inside.
INT. ELSA’S BATHROOM – DAY
Elsa is standing before a mirror, wearing a silk bathrobe.
She gasps, startled, as Indy enters. He retreats into
her bedroom as she reaches up to turn off a record player
sitting on a ledge above the bathtub.
INT. ELSA’S BEDROOM – DAY
Elsa joins Indy, waiting in the ransacked room. She looks
around in shock.
What were they looking for?
She looks to Indy, who pulls the Manuscript from his pocket.
You had it? You didn’t trust me!
She looks hurt and beautiful. She comes closer to him.
I didn’t know you.
She’s awfully hard to resist.
At least I let you tag along.
Oh, yes. Give them a flower and
they’ll follow you anywhere.
Knock it off. You’re not mad.
No. You like the way I do things.
It’s lucky I don’t do things the
same way. You’d still be standing at
the Venice pier.
She stomps her foot angrily. Indy flinches. She starts to
walk away but Indy grabs her.
Look, what do you think is going on
here? Since I’ve met you, I’ve nearly
been incinerated, drowned, shot at,
and chopped into fish bait. We’re
caught in the middle of something
sinister here. My guess is Dad found
out more than he was looking for.
And until I’m sure, I’m going to
continue to do things the way I think
they should be done.
He pulls her to him and kisses her.
How dare you kiss me!
Now Elsa reaches for Indy and kisses him.
Leave me alone. I don’t like fast
But he embraces her, and Elsa begins to nibble at his ear.
And I hate arrogant men.
Indy smiles slyly as they fall to the bed.
EXT. VENICE CANAL – DAY
A GONDOLIER SINGS as he steers his gondola carrying two
passengers past Indy’s window.
INT. INDY’S BEDROOM – DAY
Indy lies on top of Elsa, kissing her. He stops for a moment
as he hears the Gondolier SINGING.
Elsa reaches up and pulls him back down to her.
EXT. ROAD THROUGH THE AUSTRIAN MOUNTAINS – DAY
A Mercedes SUV glides through the sharp mountain curves.
This is SUPERIMPOSED OVER A MAP that charts their course
from Venice across Austria toward Salzburg.
EXT. CASTLE IN THE AUSTRIAN MOUNTAINS – DAY
Storm clouds darken the skies. THUNDER EXPLODES in the
distance; lightning flashes. The Mercedes drives into
the courtyard of the formidable stone castle.
What do you know about this place?
I know the Brunwalds are famous art
INT. MERCEDES – DAY
Indy reaches into the back seat and retrieves his bullwhip.
What are you going to do?
Don’t know. Think of something.
He glances up to the beret Elsa is wearing. She reaches up
and adjusts it.
INT. CASTLE ENTRANCE HALL – DAY
A BUTLER walks to the door and opens it to reveal Indy and
Elsa standing outside in the rain. She now wears Indy’s
fedora; Indy is wearing Elsa’s beret.
Indy, followed by Elsa, steps inside, shaking the water from
his overcoat. He adopts a Scottish accent.
And not before time! Did you intend
to leave us standing on the doorstep
all day? We’re drenched!
As Indy says this he pushes his way past the startled Butler,
pulling a handkerchief from the man’s pocket. Elsa follows,
taking off her coat. Indy SNEEZES HARD.
Now look! I’ve gone and caught a
Indy dabs at his nose with the handkerchief as Elsa looks on
in amused amazement.
(coldly; with Austrian
Are you expected?
Don’t take that tone with me, my
good man. Now buttle off and tell
Baron Brunwald that Lord Clarence
MacDonald and his lovely assistant
are here to view the tapestries.
Dear me, the man is dense. This is a
castle, isn’t it? There are
This is a castle. And we have many
tapestries. But if you’re a Scottish
lord, then I am Mickey Mouse.
How dare he?!
Simultaneously knocking the Butler cold with one slug on the
jaw. The Butler falls against a wall tapestry, sliding down
to the floor, out cold.
INT. CASTLE HALLWAY – DAY
Indy and Elsa move cautiously and quietly down the wide,
vaulted hallway. APPROACHING VOICES ARE HEARD. Indy and Elsa
creep past a room full of SOLDIERS working around a
large table with a map atop it…
Indy reacts to the sight of them.
(to Elsa; softly)
WAR MONGERS. I hate these guys.
Indy and Elsa continue down the hallway. Indy carries a gun
in his hand and his whip hangs from his belt. He steps to a
closed door and listens.
This one. I think he’s in here.
How do you know?
Indy points out an ELECTRONIC CONTROL BOX.
Because it’s bugged.
He studies the situation for a moment, then decides to enter
one of the other doors. He knocks at the door — there is no
response. He looks back at Elsa and enters.
INT. CASTLE ROOM – DAY
The room is dark and empty. Indy throws open the window
shutters and looks out. RAIN comes down in sheets. There is
a wide ledge beneath each window — but below that is a SHEER
DROP. Indy wants to get out onto the window ledge, which is
several yards away.
Indy reassures her.
Don’t worry… this is kid’s play.
I’ll be right back.
He leans out the window and wraps his bullwhip around some
wires that protrude from the castle wall above the next
He gives the whip a forceful tug to make certain it will
hold his weight.
EXT. THE CASTLE – DAY
Indy SWINGS from the window to the stone gargoyle.
CLOSE ON THE WINDOW LEDGE
A PAIR OF WOODEN SHUTTERS seals the window.
Indy takes hold of the bullwhip with both hands, pushes off
with his feet… swings toward the shuttered window with his
feet extended… CRASHING THROUGH THE WOODEN SHUTTERS as a
CLAP OF THUNDER disguises the noise.
INT. THE ROOM – DAY
Indy CRASHES THROUGH SHUTTERS AND GLASS into the room. The
broken shutters hang by their hinges. Rain and cold air whip
through the open window.
No sooner does Indy get to his feet, than a VASE COMES
CRASHING DOWN ON THE BACK OF HIS HEAD.
Stunned, Indy sinks to one knee… and Indy’s father,
PROFESSOR Sean Ref2, steps out of the shadows.
Indy gets to his feet.
This reply is a kneejerk reaction on Indy’s part. Now they
look at each other.
It is you Junior!
(an old familiar
Don’t call me that, please.
But what are you doing here?
I came to get you! What do you think?
SOLDIERS’ VOICES ARE HEARD approaching. Indy and Sean press
themselves against the wall, Sean still holding the broken
vase in his hand.
Indy steps to the window and looks down. Sean moves to a
lamp, holding the vase under the light for a closer look.
Ikea. And I thought it was valuable.
Sean is all about the broken vase which he still holds in
his hand. Father and son get onto crossed lines for a couple
Oh, it breaks the heart.
(quietly to himself)
And the head.
(to Sean, aggrievedly)
You hit me, Dad!
(referring to the
I’ll never forgive myself —
Don’t worry — I’m fine.
Sean has clearly been concentrating entirely on the vase…
he is examining the broken end carefully.
…it’s a fake Ikea knockoff. See, you can tell by
the cross section.
Sean throws the vase against the wall where it SHATTERS.
No! Dad, get your stuff. We’ve got
to get out of here.
Well, I am sorry about your head,
though. But I thought you were one
Dad, they come in through the doors.
Indy steps to the door and stands, listening.
But better safe than sorry.
Sean slides his umbrella through the straps of his bag.
Humpf — so I was wrong this time.
But by God, I wasn’t wrong when I
mailed you my Notebook. You obviously
I got it and I used it. We found the
entrance to the catacombs.
Through the library?
I knew it. And Orwell’s manuscript?
He was actually there? You saw it?
Well, what was left of it.
And his annotations… his margin notes…?
It’s a great moment in Sean’s life.
He turns aside, lost to himself for
a moment, then turns to Indy with
Cass Ander… of course… on the
political moment in Eastern Europe.
Indy winces, and would interrupt but suddenly it’s not the
…you did it.
No, Dad. You did. Forty years.
If only I could have been with you.
There were rats, Dad.
Yeah, big ones. What do the Soldiers
want with you Dad?
They want my notebook.
Indy’s interest is a moment which becomes important later
but for now it passes.
I knew I had to get that book as far
away from me as I possibly could.
Indy’s hand moves unconsciously to his pocket. His eyes turn
Then… BAM! The door is kicked open and three SOLDIERS enter.
One is an OFFICER. The other two are SOLDIERS with
machine guns. Sean and Indy raise their hands.
SEAN & INDY
I will take the notebook now.
INDY & SEAN
You have the book in your pocket.
Sean laughs genuinely, believing himself to be laughing at
the expense of the Officer.
Do you think that my son would be
that stupid that he would bring my
Notebook all the way back here?
At which point an awful thought strikes Sean.
You didn’t, did you?
You didn’t bring it, did you?
Look, can we discuss this later?
I should have mailed it to Boris
Will you take it easy!
Take it easy?! Why do you think I
sent it home in the first place?
(points towards the
So it wouldn’t fall into their hands!!
I came here to save you.
Oh yeah? And who’s gonna come to
save you, Junior??
Indy’s eyes blazes. His nostrils flares. He’s so pissed off,
he literally RIPS A MACHINE GUN from the hands of one of the
startled soldiers… and for a moment we think he’s going to
use it on his dad.
I told you —
He turns and sprays the room with machine gun fire, cutting
all three Soldiers to ribbons and blowing them backwards across
Don’t call me Junior!
Sean looks shocked and horrified.
Look what you did!!
Indy grabs him and pushes him ahead.
I can’t believe what you just…
INT. CASTLE HALLWAY – DAY
Indy leads Sean down the hallway as he searches for Elsa.
He opens a door and enters:
INT. FIRST CASTLE ROOM – DAY
Indy and Sean rush back into the room where Elsa had been
left, only to find: A COLONEL HOLDING ELSA HOSTAGE.
His name is Vogel: a vicious-looking, lantern jawed brute.
One arm is wrapped around Elsa’s waist, the other hand presses
the muzzle of a PISTOL behind her ear.
That’s far enough Put down the gun,
Professor Ref2. Put down the gun or
the Lady dies.
But she’s one of them!
She’s a Eurofanatic!
Indy is thrown. He doesn’t know what to do. He looks at Elsa,
then back to his father. Everyone is yelling at once:
I will kill her!
Oh yeah? Go ahead!
No! Don’t Shoot!
Don’t worry. He won’t.
Indy, please! Do what he says!
And don’t listen to her!
Enough! She dies!
Vogel jams the barrel of the Pistol painfully into Elsa’s
neck. Elsa SCREAMS.
And then Indy gives in. He drops the machine gun to the table
and it slides across, SHATTERING GLASS. Sean GROANS audibly.
Vogel releases his grip on Elsa and shoves her toward Indy.
She is propelled directly into his arms. He holds her tightly.
She buries her face in his chest.
Indy comforts her.
No, don’t be.
Her hand slips into his coat pocket and removes theNotebook.
But you should have listened to your
She steps back next to Vogel. Indy is stunned. Sean gives
him his most withering look of reprimand.
INT. BARONIAL ROOM – DAY
A large baronial room decorated with ancient tapestries and
suits of armour. Firelight — from the giant fireplace —
dances across the ceiling and walls.
Indy and Sean are ushered in, hands tied behind back,
accompanied by Vogel and Elsa and TWO GUARDS.
Elsa crosses the room toward a high-backed chair facing the
fireplace. Indy and Sean do not have the advantage of seeing
who is sitting in that chair. They only see a HAND REACH OUT
AND TAKE THE NOTEBOOK.
(quietly to Sean)
She ransacked her own room and I
fell for it. How did you know she
was a Eurofanatic?
How did you she was a Eurofanatic?
She talks in her sleep.
Indy nods, and then the statement catches up with him. He
looks at Sean with surprise.
I didn’t trust her. Why did you?
MAN IN CHAIR
Because he didn’t take my advice.
The MAN IN THE CHAIR gets to his feet and turns, revealing
himself to be… Walter Donovan. Indy and Sean react with
Didn’t I warn you not to trust
anybody, Professor Ref2?
Donovan smiles benignly and flips through the Notebook.
I misjudged you Walter — I knew
you’d sell your mother for a Euro
But I didn’t know you’d sell
your country and your soul to the
slime of humanity.
Doctor Sean. There’re pages
torn out of this!
Elsa rushes to Donovan’s side. She takes the Notebook
from him. Elsa takes a look for herself — then glances up
This book contained a diagram — a diagram
with no names — precise instructions
on how to turn democracies into
So it did.
Where are these missing pages? This
Diagram. We must have these pages back.
Sean gives Indy a look of surprise. Indy smirks.
You’re wasting your breath. He won’t
tell us. And he doesn’t have to…
it’s perfectly obvious where the
(looking at Indy)
…he’s given them to Marcus Brody.
Sean now wears a pained expression.
Marcus?! You didn’t drag poor Marcus
along, did you? He’s not up to the
He sticks out like a sore thumb.
We’ll find him.
The hell you will. He’s got a two-
day head-start on you, which is more
than he needs.
Brody’s got friends in every town
and village from here to the United Kingdom.
He speaks a dozen languages, knows
every local custom. He’ll blend in.
Disappear. You’ll never see him again.
With any luck, he’s got there
Sean looks amazed and impressed.
EXT. TRAIN STATION – CITY OF VIENNA – DAY
Brody disembarks from the train along with the other
PASSENGERS, a cross-section of EUROPEANS, ARABS and TURKS.
Does anyone here speak English? Or
even ancient Greek?
A Man in the crowd holds out a newspaper to Brody.
No paper, no thank you. No, it’s full of
fake news, I’m sure of it.
Brody continues through the crowd past various STALLS.
A Woman holds a wiener out to him.
Thank you so much. No, I don’t like
that. No, I really don’t want… No,
no, thank you very much. No, thank
you, madam. I’m a vegetarian.
The Woman turns away, leaving Brody alone.
Does anyone understand a word I’m
Sallah shoulders his way through the mob toward Brody.
They meet and hug, then begin to walk.
Oh, Sallah! What a relief!
Marcus Brody, sir. And where is Indy?
Oh, he’s in Germany. A slight detour.
You are on your own?
A Woman runs in and tugs on Brody’s coat. He waves her away.
Yes, but don’t panic. Everything’s
under control. Have you… have you
arranged our supplies?
Oh, yes, of course. But where are we
Oh, I’ll show you. It was
drawn by, uh…
Brody searches in his coat pocket for the map as a SINISTER
Brody puts the map back in his pocket. The Sinister Man clicks
his heels and bows quickly.
Welcome to Vienna. The Director
of the Political Institute has
sent a car for you.
Brody takes off his hat.
Oh, what?… your servant, sir.
And I am his.
Follow me, please.
The man turns and joins a SECOND MAN. Brody and Sallah follow
My reputation precedes me.
There is no political institute in Vienna.
The Second Man overhears Sallah. He and his companion turn
Sallah puts Brody’s luggage down and glances at Brody.
Brody does not run. Sallah pats his clothing, searching for
Papers, sir. Got it here.
Sallah laughs and pulls out a newspaper.
Just finished reading it myself.
(laughs; then, to
Brody looks confused. Sallah shows the newspaper to the Second
Sud Deutschland Zeitung. Morning edition.
Did you say…? Uh, uh…
Sallah puts the newspaper in front of the Second Man’s face,
then punches him through the newspaper.
The Second Man falls, knocking over a vendor’s stand. Sallah
and Brody begin to run. Sallah knocks the First Man into
another vendor’s stand. The STAND COLLAPSES on impact.
Sallah grabs Brody and pulls him through the crowded streets.
(to Brody; pointing)
Okay, okay, quick, quick, quick!
Hide in that door! Hide in that door!
Sallah points to a DARKENED DOORWAY, hung with a curtain, at
the top of a ramp. Brody runs up the ramp, throws back the
curtain and disappears into the darkness.
Then — METAL DOORS ARE SLAMMED behind Brody and we realize
that he has run into the back of a POLICE VAN.
Sallah runs after the Van until he reaches a wall, then
leans against the wall dejectedly as the Van drives away
with Brody inside.
INT. CASTLE ROOM – DAY
The room is dark. Ancient, floor-length drapes cover the
windows. A HUGE FIREPLACE that’s nearly large enough for a
man to stand upright in dominates one wall.
The Guards have tied Indy and Sean back-to-back in a
pair of chairs. Elsa and Donovan stand over them. Vogel
Doctor Goebbels. Message from Berlin.
You must return immediately: a rally
at the Institute of European Culture.
Your presence on the platform is
requested… at the highest level.
I will meet you in England.
Take this Notebook to the Planning Centre
in Berlin. It will show them our
progress, ahead of schedule. Without
a diagram, I’m afraid it’s no better
than a souvenir.
He hands her the Notebook.
(to Donovan, meaning
Indy and Sean)
Let me kill them now.
No. If we fail to recover the pages
from Brody, we’ll need them alive.
(to Vogel, with a
Always do what the doctor orders.
Donovan leads Vogel out. The Guards follow. Once they
are gone, Elsa turns to Indy.
Don’t look at me like that — we
both wanted the Manuscript, I would have
done anything to get it. You would
have done the same.
Indy shakes his head “no.”
I’m sorry you think so.
She runs her hand down the side of his face. Indy pulls away.
Indy and Sean are still tied back-to-back of course. Elsa
bends to speak quietly into Indy’s ear… which is near enough
to Sean’s ear.
I can’t forget… how wonderful it was.
Thank you. It was rather wonderful.
She smiles and kisses Indy passionately. Sean glances back
and looks rather disappointed.
Vogel appears to remind Elsa of her appointment.
Doctor Goebbels! Your car is waiting.
(to Indy, after
finishing the kiss)
That’s how Austrians say goodbye.
Elsa exits. Vogel stays behind for another moment.
And this is how we say goodbye in
Germany, Professor Ref2.
Vogel punches Indy in the jaw. A hard and vicious jab that
snaps Indy’s head around.
Vogel exits. Indy shakes his head clear.
Ooooh… I like the Austrian way
So did I.
Let’s try and get these ropes loose.
We’ve got to get to Marcus before
the Eurofanatics do!
You said he had two days’ start.
That he would blend in. Disappear!
Are you kidding? — I made that up!
You know Marcus — he got lost once
in his own house!
Indy and Sean are pulling at the ropes with great urgency.
Can you try and reach into my left
Sean is able to wiggle his hand towards Indy’s coat pocket.
Indy squirms his body around towards Sean’s hand.
What am I looking for?
My lucky charm.
Feels like a cigarette lighter.
Try and burn through the ropes.
Sean’s fingers open the lighter and ignite the flame.
Sean yelps as the cigarette lighter burns his hand. He drops
the lighter to the floor. Sean kicks at the lighter, trying
to reach it but cannot. The rug starts to burn. Indy doesn’t
know it yet.
I ought to tell you something.
Don’t get sentimental now Dad —
save it ’til we get out of here.
The floor’s on fire! See?!
(turns and sees)
And the chair.
All right, move! Move! Rock your
Chair. Do what I do.
They begin to rock their chair legs, inching their way off
the burning carpet.
EXT. CASTLE – DAY
As Elsa is driven away. Vogel and Donovan remain behind,
flanked by SOLDIERS.
Another car pulls up and Vogel holds the door open for Donovan
who gets into the rear seat. A LIEUTENANT approaches with a
written message for Donovan.
Etwas Wichtiges, mein Herr.
Donovan puts on his glasses to read the message.
Well, we have Marcus Brody. But more
important, we have the diagram.
A SOLDIER steps forward with yet another written
message for Donovan.
Aus Berlin, mein Herr.
“Secrecy essential to success.
Eliminate the British conspirators.”
Europe has declared war on the Ref2.
The car drives off.
INT. CASTLE ROOM – DAY
Indy and Sean are still in their chairs, tied back-to-back.
Indy tries to communicate with Sean, but each time he calls
him, the men turn their heads in opposite directions.
Finally, they turn their heads in the same direction.
Head for the fireplace!
BANGING, ROCKING and HOPPING their chairs, they work their
way INTO THE FIREPLACE — the only safe place from the now
I think I can get these ropes off.
Indy struggles to free his hands. His foot kicks out and
accidentally hits a metal grill that operates a Secret Door.
The fireplace floor rotates like a Lazy Susan and Indy and
his father find themselves in the:
INT. CONTROL ROOM – DAY
Where a COMPUTER OPERATOR wearing headphones sits at an elaborate
display with multiple screens and keyboards. A WOMAN stands over
an interactive map plotting coordinates. Their backs are turned to Indy
The floor begins to rotate again, and Indy and Sean find
themselves back in:
INT. CASTLE ROOM – DAY
inside the fireplace, still tied back-to-back.
Our situation has not improved.
Indy glances over his shoulder at Sean.
Listen Dad… I’m almost free.
Indy’s foot hits the grill again… and the fireplace rotates
INT. CONTROL ROOM – DAY
FOUR COMPUTER OPERATORS and the Woman are still hard at work at
consoles and coordinates. Suddenly the Woman looks up and
spots Sean and Indy. She screams.
Now the Computer Operators turn to see Sean and Indy.
TWO OPERATORS draw their pistols and FIRE SEVERAL SHOTS at
Indy and Sean
INT. CASTLE ROOM – DAWN
Indy and Sean rotate into the room which is now an INFERNO.
The carpet, drapes and furniture are all ablaze.
This is intolerable!
I’m out, Dad!
Indy finally breaks free. And he immediately begins to untie
Well done, boy!
INT. CONTROL ROOM – DAY
All four Operators now have their guns drawn. They activate
the lever and begin to rotate through the Secret Door.
INT. CASTLE ROOM – DAY
The Operators appear in the fireplace on the other side —
but there is NO SIGN OF Indy and Sean.
The Operators move cautiously toward the flame, shielding
their faces with one hand, holding their guns with the other.
Is it possible that Indy and Sean escaped through these
Not a chance.
They’ve hidden themselves UP THE CHIMNEY. And now they DROP
DOWN, BEHIND the Operators.
One of the Operators grabs Indy by the neck. As they struggle
they fall against the rotating wall and disappear into the
next room, leaving a frightened Sean behind.
Sean presses against the wall, which rotates again. As he
disappears into the next room, a DEAD OPERATOR swivels
into the room. The other Operators rush forward to him.
INT. CONTROL ROOM – DAY
Indy picks up a BUST OF HITLER and uses it to jam the rotating
wall in place, sealing the Nazis inside the burning room.
INT. CASTLE HALLWAY – DAY
Vogel strides purposefully down the hallway. He BARKS an
order, and TWO MORE SOLDIERS fall into step with him.
INT. CONTROL ROOM – DAY
Indy grabs his whip, his leather sack and Sean’s case from
a table. He hands the case to Sean and they begin to run.
Come on Dad.
INT. SECRET ROOM – DAY
Indy and Sean step into an empty room.
Sean looks horrified by what he’s been forced to do as Indy
searches frantically for an exit.
There’s got to be a… a secret door
around. A passageway or something.
Indy begins to run his hands over the walls — frantic.
I find that if I just sit down and
Sean sits on a chair which tips back, hitting the wall behind
- The floor at Indy’s feet suddenly begins DROPPING AWAY!
Indy grabs a railing to keep from falling, but loses his
grip and plunges through the opening which has formed a SPIRAL
STAIRCASE. He rolls down the stairs.
…the solution presents itself.
Sean follows Indy down the staircase.
INT. CAVERN / UNDERGROUND HARBOR – DAY
The stairway deposits Indy and Sean into an enormous WATERY
CAVERN beneath the mountain on which the castle was built.
A full-scale BOAT DOCK has been built inside the cavern.
We see MOTORBOATS, GUNBOATS, SUPPLY BOATS, etc.
Great. More boats.
Indy boards one of the motorboats and STARTS THE MOTOR.
Would you say this has been just
another typical day for you? Huh?
Sean tosses his case at Indy who catches it and angrily
throws it back to his father.
Ooof! No! It’s been better than most.
Indy moves back to the dock and pushes the boat away. Sean
Come on, Dad. Come on!
What about the boat? We’re not going
on the boat?
INT. SECRET ROOM – DAY
Vogel and the Soldiers enter the room and spot the spiral
staircase leading below. They quickly descend the stairs.
INT. CAVERN / UNDERGROUND HARBOR – DAY
As Vogel and the Soldiers rush to the dock. Vogel sees
that a motorboat is missing. He orders the Soldiers
into a boat.
Sie alle ins Boat. Schnell!
To be continued…
All characters appearing in this work are fictitious.
Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
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