Realist, not conformist analysis of the latest financial, business and political news

Hosting A Supranational Kegger

I once saw a towering drunken meathead lose his rag in a pub when denied service and throw every item on the bar into the optics, one-by-one.

Including the “Guide Dogs For the Blind” charity pot for spare change.

The destruction was epic.

If he had been alone, a few lads might have tried to take him down, but he was clearly in roidrage, and his towering drunken hooligan brother and father were alongside him drunkenly trying to remonstrate with him. The bar owner just went white and called the police while his bar got trashed. I’ll never forget his face.

When hooligans are denied more drinks, they can become very irate.

And this has reminded me of QE, a bit.

You see, the various central banks across the heavily-indebted nations (the ECB, the BoE, the BoJ and the Fed) have inadvertently been hosting a kind of supranational kegger for bankers for the last decade. A house party for banking hooligans.

It started in 2008, when a rumour began that the beer was running out.

The panicky host ran out and bought 500 beers and stacked them in the corner, ostensibly just to reassure the bankers that there was no such danger, so they would calm down and return to normal drinking. The host expected to be able to return the 500 beers to the store the next day and get a refund. But rather than merely reassuring the bankers that all was well, it caused them to call their wives.

They had decided it was an “all-nighter”.

When the beer started to run low again, the host headed to the store again, before the mood turned ugly. QE2.

More beer in the corner and suddenly the all-nighter became a weekend party (QE3), and now it’s a week-long binge. QE Eternity.

But the banking hooligans are all absolutely hammered now, and on the brink of a vicious brawl.

The neighbours have looked on in horror as this has developed, first assuring each other that the host would not let it turn bad, and then worrying that it had, and finally that it could only end badly. The longer it went on, the more badly it seemed likely to end.

Well now it has dawned on the host that the appetite for beer is infinite, and these idiots will keep drinking until they die. But he doesn’t want to see the roidrage that will result if he tries to kick them out.

He needed a distraction – a way to get these imbeciles out of his house in a way that doesn’t make them turn on him or his property. But the problem is bigger than that, because his neighbours are now white with rage. The very hour he kicks the bankers out, his neighbors will be round to smash his face in.

So he needs a distraction – one that will eclipse his party problem.

So maybe he opens the gas taps, then calls the gas board and reports a leak?

Now the whole road has to be evacuated, and the drunken hooligan bankers leave quietly and for their own safety, alongside the neighbours who were furious only a few minutes before.

They all disconsolately march down the road to the community centre, clutching their blankets and teddy bears and final few cans of beer. And the party host disappears into the crowd – just one more poor unfortunate whose week has been ruined by the “gas leak”.

That he engineered.

Some say the hysterical response to COVID-19 is our gas leak, and the bankrupt Western establishment stoked it up when it became clear they had wrecked our economies.

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Chester Draws
Chester Draws
3 years ago

They’re not that competent.

3 years ago
Reply to  Chester Draws

I do agree. Though it’ll be interesting to see if they prove me wrong.

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