Man Sues To Define As 20 Years Younger – One Of The World’s Great Pisstakes


A Dutch man insists that the government should change his recorded age. He is, chronologically, 69 years old. But he feels and self defines as being only 49 and even has a doctor’s letter stating that he’s more around and about that age physically. Thus the government should issue him with a different age document. This will increase his success on Tinder as his recorded age will more closely align with how he really is and feels.

A 69-year-old pensioner who says he has the body of a 45-year-old is taking action to legally change his age to improve his job prospects and luck with women on Tinder.

Dutch entrepreneur Emile Ratelband is hoping he will be able to change his date of birth from 11 March 1949 to 11 March 1969 after his doctors said he had the body of someone more than 20 years younger than himself.

He argues if transgender people are legally allowed to change their sex then he should be allowed to change his age.

The self-help guru – who described himself as a “young god” – is taking action against his local authority after it refused to change his age on official documents.

Mr Ratelband told De Telegraaf: “You can change your name. You can change your gender. Why not your age? Nowhere are you so discriminated against as with your age.”

There is a glorious joy to this. For of course it’s the most massive pisstake. The art of doing one of those well being to be entirely and wholly serious about it – except for that underlying and single assertion. It’s rather like how to be a great criminal. Observe all the laws righteously except or just the one single one that is the crime. Obey traffic, drug and drinking laws and only, but only, rob the bank. Here, have an entirely righteous case except for that underlying absurdity, and you’re only allowed the one absurdity.

We could even be serious about this. Forcing society to examine its conceptions about what creates a legal identity for example. Something which really does rather need some examination.

Over on the trans side we’ve the insistence that self-declaration is it. Anyone who doesn’t support that simple “I claim I am thus I am” is transphobic and banned from speaking to students at Oxford University. Race seems to be a little different. With Pocahontas it seems that she should have some actual evidence before claiming Cherokee ancestry. Rachel Dolezal’s insistence doesn’t work because it’s just an insistence. But it’s not even necessary to stick on a frock, the claim itself is all that is necessary.

There’s a logical hole somewhere in here. One that the age claim neatly exposes. That being why it’s more than just a glorious pisstake of course, which all the best of those are, something more than just a.

Why is this claim to founder on simple chronological precision? Upon any previous definition of what constitutes age? Why is it that this should be treated like Elizabeth Warren and not like Karen White has been?

Well, why? What’s wrong with self-declaration only?

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Alex Noble

Ooh I like this.

I want to identify as a fighter pilot with a neuroscience qualification.

Wing Commander Noble PhD has a nice ring to it.

Alex Noble
Alex Noble

Ooh I like this.

I want to identify as a fighter pilot with a neuroscience qualification.

Wing Commander Noble PhD has a nice ring to it.