Dear Tim Worstall, Editor, The Continental Telegraph,
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Break up HMS Victory and send the timbers to France to help rebuild Notre Dame
Britain has a shameful history in Europe – Brexit, Agincourt, Bucks Fizz – it’s time we made amends to our EU partners. After the tragic fire, France needs high quality oak timbers to repair Notre Dame. We have a source of timber currently sitting doing nothing in Portsmouth – HMS Victory.
France has given us so much. Les Miserables was the first novel to destigmatise mental illness. Jean-Paul Gaultier invented the stripey jumper. And who can forget Dogtanian and the Three Muskehounds? Unfortunately, Britain failed to reciprocate. We wrecked the first attempts at European integration, in 1803 and 1939. HMS Victory is part of that barbaric past, whose legacy persists – Portsmouth voted Leave in 2016. President Macron admires old relics – let’s send him Victory with our apologies.
Go on, you know you want to.